My name is Oli, and I’m a bad friend. ( 我叫噢力，我不是一个好的朋友。)

I’m sorry, but I know i’m really bad at keeping in touch with my friends back in England.

很抱歉，我知道我没有很好地与我在英国的朋友们保持联系。

My leaving party (a year ago) was subtitled “Because we both know I won’t keep in touch…”, and as tongue-in-cheek as it should have been, in the year I’ve been away I’ve pretty much lived-up to the low, low expectations that people had of me.

我的告别派对（一年前）的标题是‘因为我们知道我们不会失去联络…’可是在过去的一年里，我没有做到大家对我的期望。

So last week, I got an email. It was from a company called ‘SeeFilmFirst’, a service that I took advantage of a couple of times when I used to live in London. The idea is that you join an email list, and film companies send you invitations to free film screenings in London.

所以上个星期，我收到一封邮件，是从一个叫‘看电影先’的公司发来的，我以前在伦敦时用过的一个服务。那是一个只要你加入这个电子邮件列表，电影公司就会发给你邀请函去看在伦敦的免费的电影。

So anyway, they were emailing because their company was expanding to Australia, and they wanted to find people who live in Australia to join their list to become ‘founder members’.

所以他们发了邮件给我，因为他们的公司拓展到了澳大利亚，他们想找一些住在澳洲的人加入他们的列表，成为他们的‘元老级成员’。

So I thought…”I know someone who lives in Australia! Zahra!!!!”

所以我想……‘我知道谁住在澳洲！Zahra!!!

I was so excited, because I could forward this email to Zahra (time taken: 4 seconds) and basically be ‘keeping in touch’ without really making much effort. Perfect, right?!

我特别兴奋，因为我可以转发这个邮件给Zahra(花4秒的时间)，不用花什么功夫就做到了‘保持联系’。很棒，对吧？！

So I send off the email and sit back, content with how I’d turned over a new leaf of good-friend-ness.

所以我发了邮件然后坐着，非常满意自己是如何转变成一个好的朋友的。

A couple of days later, she replied:

几天后，她回复了：

What the hell!!! I couldn’t believe it. Spammers have reached a new level of cheekiness! So her account has been hacked…and now they wait until people send her messages, and then reply with cheery emails about holidays and what-not.

他妈的！！我不敢相信这个！垃圾邮件真不要脸！她的账户已经被黑了…然后他们等着别人发信息给她，然后用愉快的口气回复一些关于度假或者别的什么。

I thought it was pretty funny (sorry Z!), and so logged on to MSN to tell Jme…it took slightly longer than usual to get online because of offline messages being delivered…and up pops:

我觉得这个很有趣（不好意思Z！）。所以我登陆到MSN去告诉Jme…这个比平时多花了一点点时间因为脱机的消息发送到了…并且弹出：

Shiiiiiiiiiiiit…You can’t trust anyone anymore!

混蛋…再也不能相信任何人！